So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
