I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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