I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
