So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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