im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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