Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
