Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
