just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
