I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
