I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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