Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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