You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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