lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
