he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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