someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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