Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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