Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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