mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
