Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
