I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
