I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
