My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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