Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
