my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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