i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
