I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
