This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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