my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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