I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
