no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
