Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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