Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
