i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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