I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
