Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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