Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
