Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to calm my uterus...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
