If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
