dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
