I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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