Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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