hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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