What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
