I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
