Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
