I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
