So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
