I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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