If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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