i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
