puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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