I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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