Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
