Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
